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A LITTLE OVER TEN YEARS AGO (longer if you're reading this after I've written it, which is pretty likely to be the case unless you happen to be a foregoblin*) a small, brown, earthenware pot was discovered in a remote corner of the Olduvai Gorge in northern Tanzania. The pot was similar in size and shape to some of the early Egyptian funerary vases dating from 3000 B.C., but - and this was the astonishing fact - it was embedded in the sedimentary rock itself, which dated back at least 60 million years - long before any human life existed on this planet! The sheer implausibility of such a find so confounded the archaeologists who stumbled upon it that they decided to ignore it. Indeed, they were so perturbed by the whole idea (and by the possibility of having to throw away years of archaeological research) that they didn't even open the pot to see what was inside. Instead, the pot was discreetly abandoned near some half-full dustbins in the Shimanze district of Mombasa. And it was here that it was eventually discovered by dustmen, some twenty years later.** The dustmen in turn handed it to the only man with professional qualifications who happened to be passing by at the time. This man was Brian Froud - an eccentric piscepodiatrist+ who was then scouring the Great Rift Valley in East Africa for work (and not having much success). He had managed to treat a couple of sardines for verrucae, but had received no remuneration from either (since they were both dead) when he made the discovery that was to change his life. * Foregoblins: These curious beasts are blessed (or, rather cursed) with extreme predictability (i.e., the ability to predict). They are usually totally ignorant of anything once it's happened, but appear to know everything that hasn't happened yet. The burden of this overwhelming amount of prior knowledge makes the foregoblins restless and unhappy and prone to make the most obvious blunders (because they know they're going to). At the same time, of course, they display a total inability to learn from their mistakes or even those of other goblins. ** The writer is aware that there is a discrepancy between the dating of the original discovery of the pot, ten years prior to the time of writing, and its rediscover twenty years later, but he would like to point out that in geological time accuracy to within even a few million years is considered pretty good, and here it's only a quibble over a measly ten years, and quite honestly, if you're going to worry about footling little points like that, you might as well give up reading this here and now and good riddance as far as I'm concerned. It's all very well for you readers - you can pick and choose which authors you're going to read - but us authors have no say in the matter - we have to put up with any Tom, Dick, or Harry picking up our work and running their eyes over it, perusing it, riffling through it, even thinking about it and doing anything else they damn well want to with it! Well ... let me tell you! I didn't spend fourteen years at Author Training School just so that any riffraff off the street could paw through my words and spill coffee on them and ... anyway, as this is only a footnote I suggest you stop wasting your time on it and get on with the real introduction. Oh, and by the way, the writer would also like to make it clear that the time lapse between the abandoning of the pot near the dustbins in the Shimanze district and its rediscovery twenty years later (which is nothing in geological time) is in no way meant to be a slur on, nor imply neglect on behalf of the Mombasa North West Garbage Disposal Authority, which is a fine body and has a splendid record of civic enterprise and responsibility. + Piscepodiatrist: A foot doctor who specializes in the treatment of fish. |
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