Qüiver

The Tale of Qüiver

Plate 3 Page 14 Quiver The tale of Quiver is popular amongst the humbler goblins - and especially amongst those who are not yet qualified to "shoot from memory." The tale goes something like this.
      It was the Eve of All Owls' Night, when traditionally the Goblin Army harvests its own karbobs* and roasts them around the great well of the castle, before retiring to the North West Tower to drain the traditional Tun of Owl Wine+. A small goblin named Quiver was detailed for guard duty. Now quiver was a very unexperienced goblin who had not yet been instructed in the use of the bone crossbow nor, of course, "shooting from memory."
      Well he stood there for several hours listening to the sounds of merrymaking coming from the courtyard. He could hear the crackle of the great fire and smell the roasting karbobs, and he began to feel very sorry for himself and very hungry. He kept on feeling his own karbobs (he had one under his left armpit and another just inside his groin), and he sighed because he knew that by the next day they might have burst into leaf and it would be too late. And he was thinking these sad thoughts, he was startled by a strange noise coming out of the darkness. Thinking it might be a Short Enemy (the only kind he was allowed to challenge), he raised his bone crossbow and squeaked: "Halt and all that!" (the traditional goblin challenge). But the creature-in-the-night merely made more noises and started calling out names and being extremely unsympathetic. Now an experienced goblin would have ignored all this, but Quiver put his bone crossbow to his shoulder and fired. Unfortunately, a goblin who has not been instructed in the art of "shooting from memory" should never, ever fire in the pitch darkness. Nor, of course, should he put his bone crossbow to his shoulder the wrong way round. However, this is just what Quiver did. Consequently the bone bold shot straight back towards the castle, entered the window of the North West Tower, and pierced the traditional Tun of Owl Wine.


* Karbobs (Karbobus karbobis): Small tubers that flourish in the warm, wet cracks and crannies under armour. The tuber must be eaten when it has sprouted but before it has begun to flower: otherwise, it can be extremely dangerous.

+ Owl Wine is prepared from carefully pressed owls, fermented and kept for many years in oak barrels. It is not particularly nice.



      The creature-in-the-night, of course, could see all this and collapsed in laughter - much to the bewilderment of little Quiver.
      Meanwhile, the Owl Wine began to spray out of the barrel and out of the window of the North West Tower, forming a fine rain that descended down onto the merry courtyard below. The Owl-Wine rain got heavier and heavier, until it put out the bonfires where the karbobs were still only half-roasted and drove the other goblins back inside. Disappointed by the frustration of their feast, they retired to the North West Tower to drown their sorrows. But when they got there, of course, they discovered the Great Tun empty and the canapes ++ all sodden.
      The whole feast was abandoned and set up for the day after All Owls' Night. When Quiver came off guard duty and learnt what had happened, he was so embarrassed that he harvested his own karbobs there and then, roasted them, and sent them to the Lord High Goblin's daughter. She was so touched by this heroic act of self-sacrifice that she declared that the karbob feast should ever fall on the day after All Owls' Night. And so it is still celebrated to this day.


++ Not canapes as we understand them, of course. Goblin canapes consist of such things as wood sandwiches, live bird soup, and "string" ("string" is a worm dish invented for All Owls' Night Eve by Eled the Worm-Tamer [see plate 23], who had a lot of pensioned-off and disabled worms to get rid of).

Previous Next
Table of Contents
Return to the Entrance of the Library